I had a very bad dream this morning. It has haunted me all day. I am not a person who believes if you dream something it is going to happen but, yet I can not shake this dream today. I have been working very hard not to think about it.
The dream is not even rational because in it I was with a bunch of people and we were eating. The food was kind of weird. My son was walking on the side of the road and we were passing him in a car because where we were going was not that far. We were not going that fast.
I looked back to see if he was eating the food as he walked. I saw his plate fly out of his hands into the street and he ran to get it (loving food and we were so hungry) and a I saw his body go up in the air like a car hit him but, I could not see if that was what exactly happened. I started screaming oh my God over and over. I yelled for them to pull over. I got out and with my cousin I began walking back fast to get to where he was. It seemed to take forever. I saw him and he was crying and face and head and other parts of his body was bloody and swollen. He told me in his little kid voice that “A car hit me”. (in the dream he was very young like kindergarden or 1 or 2nd grade.) I asked where was the car? He told me across the street that the man was washing it off in the car wash. I was angry at what happened and that my family or whoever they were in the cars I was with did not rush with their car to him sooner and that no one had called an ambulance or taken him to the hospital. I felt guilty and sick that I let him walk alone.
This was all the dream was but, it was enough to have hurt me inside deeply for just a dream. I keep seeing my son hurt face and his little boy voice sounding confused that someone would hurt him and saying a car hit me and the sicking feeling that somehow I caused that pain and confusion for him.
I am not trying to be negative and depress people. I think instead I am saying I feel deeply for anyone who has had a child of their hurt or worse. I could not imagine your pain. For those who have not experienced that hug your children today and be grateful for them and be glad they are well. Make peace.
I am hoping by writing it will help take the painful feelings of this dream away and instead it will help someone pull their kids a little tighter and love a little harder and thank God they are alive and well. I pray and send love out to those who can not.
Okay so I got distracted from my weekly organizing and cleaning study I was doing.
Instead I found a great book that will work for now. It has the simple basics for cleaning and maintaining your home quickly.
You can see my full review here: http://www.rallyreviews.wordpress.com/books/
I am going to use the basics in this book to just get my home in order and then I can go back and organize more later.
Like in everything I do right now it is baby steps. I have so many stressful things going on in the next few months.
My husbands possible deportation. My son is graduating high school and starting college. My daughter is healing from bad injury and entering first real job. My mom dealing with going back to work after break with some new medical and other challenges. I am trying to get healthier.
For updates and progress on these things stay tuned here.
For updates and progress on my getting healthier and losing weight you can follow my blog at:
What is the deal with Roman? He got mad at me last night because he could not have his way with what he wanted. Now today he is in a real funk probably because I can not buy him anything for his special day. He never has money for my day so what is the difference. GRR…. Birthday’s this summer in our family have sucked. My birthday is coming up this month also but, I am not whining about how nothing is going to happen for it and I am older than both my son and husband. Okay sorry for the rant.
I have been enjoying my new job. It cuts into time with art, writing and family but then so does everyone else’s jobs. lol. I like helping people figure out their projects and learning the store.
I have been thinking that I need to spend more time talking with my son on spiritual matters and his goals. I also think I need to spend more time showing my daughter I love her and helping her get some screenings for health issues and how to cope better to get her moving towards some goals. Life and situations move so fast it is sometimes hard to get my breath and concentrate on all the things to be done.
Our 4th of July was a lot of fun. We spent it with new friends that we are still getting to know better. They had the largest hot dogs I have ever seen there. A lot of food, people, and fireworks. It was awesome spending it with people who were so happy to be together and celebrate. Roman tried his first sparkler ever. I got a picture of my son dancing and having fun.
My mom Jessie has a different car today and later she is going to come up so we can all take a spin in it. Fun. I also hope to get some errands done while I have the time.
Issac (son) had a prom to go to tonight. He played it cool but, I could tell he was really nervous. They looked good in their matching white, blue, and black clothes. They both wore matching blue and white converse. Different but it looked really cute. I know they will have a blast but, I doubt he will want to do family day tomorrow.
The weather has been crazy confusing the bills and my body. We had some days in the high 80’s and then the next days in the 30’s with rain and snow. The grass is green and trees are bloomed but, snow is covering them. Weird. I enjoyed the randomness of it though.
Besides the cold weather has been good for cuddling with Rome at night. I think it has made him frisky — or maybe it has been my cooking? We had relations three times the other day and it was like wow. It is good when we are both connected to what we like and both feeling the excitement and spontaneous.
Lots of changes coming up in my life but, even though I get nervous about them I also am very excited to see what comes of it.
We went to an event the other night and had dinner. I won the centerpiece which was a little pail of flowers. It is little both I was very happy to win it. I am going to plant it in a bigger container on the porch as soon as it warms up a little –I am very excited to see them grow and mature over the summer. I love summer! The sun on my skin, swimming, running around with less clothes (I hate heavy clothes– not a nudist-lol). I love how cold fruit feels and taste in my mouth, the smells, the busy out and interacting, the happy people planning vacations. I know it will be here soon.
Family day was yesterday again and this time my daughter joined us and did pretty good. It was hot and my skin is a burning red because of it. It was worth it.
This week is full of appointments for me and studying for finals so not much fun but, a lot of things done. I get to see the gallery where my ceramic pieces will be displayed today but, plan to attend a lecture first on organization.
The blooms of the dogwood trees around my home are going away which is good for my allergies but, bad because they are so pretty. I took a photo to keep looking at the pretty blossoms after they leave.
Roman (hubby) and I are over the honeymoon stage of our marriage now but, I am happy that the court has allowed him to stay another year with us before having to go back to his country and try to come back. It is painful and sometimes confusing to live like this. I am savoring what I have and being grateful though.
Issac (son) flew through the air with his long curled locks of hair flying in the wind to hit at the tennis ball yesterday. I caught a young girl looking longingly at him. It made me feel proud and scared at the same time because he is still my baby boy. Roman just laughed off my concern (men- lol). I think we are getting better at playing tennis but, still learning. I loved watching Rome’s muscles flex and the power he slammed the ball with. All that energy drained him quicker than us and we got a chance to gloat for once.
I was very impressed by Rome having the idea spontaneously for going out as family to play tennis and then out for pizza after. After getting full and feeling close we were ready to go home. I did have an urge to lock him in the restraunt’s bathroom and have my way with him but, I managed to tame that wild beast for the sake of all the kids eating there. ha ha.
Once home I had to decide which few ceramics pieces to choose to put in the University’s gallery show. I think I will show my plate and container set with wild fire bright yellow, orange and red and a more tame bowl with dark blue and shining gorgeous brown tint running through it.
What type of ceramics do my readers like? What kind would you like to buy or what artist?
This was my very FIRST ceramic piece I ever made. A vase.