Marriage/Relationships

18 plus only !

Stressed ! Do all I can to work on situations swirling in my life to push them into an upswing. It is very hard to do and very few seem to understand my viewlove(photo stock. can’t wait to make love again)

Whether it is the stress, my age, or hormones…..OMG…… I so miss sex. I find myself I find myself pulsing with desire to feel my man’s hardness spreading inside me. Is that TMI? Well, most are lying if they say they have not had the same feelings and desires to confess them to someone.

I try not to think about it but, find my thoughts drifting of how his hands would softly touch all over me as he would marvel at my body and reactions like he had never had the experience before. The way he looked at me, taking in each moment and each move and watch and hearing him respond. Ohhhh to hear him right now being pleased.

ok ok. Don’t want to gross out any readers. lol.

So many boring and hard issues I am working with makes me crave some fun and adventure but the closest I can get to it is to immerse myself into books. So many good ones inspiring me to work on my current book more often.

Readers what is going on in your life. Please do distract me.

Categories: Marriage/Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , ,

To goal or not to goal ??

I have never been one to set goals. Probably because i tend to procrastinate and don’t want to let myself or anyone else down by not achieving the goal.

Anyway, I keep telling myself I am gonna get on all the goals I tried to set to get done while my sweet Rome is in Africa for a year but, it seems he knew me better then I knew myself. He chuckles and says “that is wonderful honey, but if you do decide to work at it then do it for yourself cause i am good with you now.” When he said this i was kind of offended but now when i look back i have to laugh because i may have set my expectations to high and I am glad he was okay that I did not have to do all those high goals. I have not given them up so much as been easier on myself to work towards things I want and more realistic.

Anyway, Rome and I have now been married about 5 and half years and this year he has been gone has been a little bit of a test. I did not know what it would be like to be without him for a year but, I think we are growing as a couple in having to be more creative in communication and knowing each other and trusting each other. I can say it has made our sex life skyrocket (tmi alert) with experimenting in flirting and pleasing each other long distance and opened communication to what we both feel we want and need. I feel good about how we accept each others strengths and weaknesses.

I want to make closer friendship in my life though —I do admit i am not very good socially and fear reaching out or asking for company. However, i am thankful for the online friends i have made most of which are facebook, twitter or friends met on social platform second life.

As time gets closer to my hubby possibly getting to come home I get more excited and have begun to prepare things like learning some cooking and getting some sexy things to wear that he may like. For a shy girl this is a huge step. lol. BTW ladies what is the best way to remove hair from the (you know) area? He would be over the moon excited about that. grins.

Issac (my son) is not at all liking the idea of that reunion saying i will be hanging at friends house for a few days. laughs.

Anyway, just an update.

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God met me on my walk

    (All photos copyright@.Kim.Shay.2014 Please do not use without permission.)IMG_3618

 

     It is so easy to accept and agree with something you read, or a message or a teaching when it is not actually happening to you at the present moment (or at least not to a large degree). For the past 2 weeks all the spiritual lessons I have heard seem to center around trusting in the Lord and not stressing out. I very much agree that God makes all things good for those who love Him and that he can do the impossible in people’s lives.

    Although I mentally know and believe this is true, I also feel slammed the last couple of days with financial issues and changes that are causing me anxiety. I find myself struggling to stand in the truths I know to be true without still worrying.

     One down side to having such a goal driven husband is when he asks me about my day with such a straight face I can’t help but feel he is really saying why haven’t you gotten more things done today and I feel stress rise in me. 

     Today when I got that question and look I felt shame rise in me and I needed some air and alone time. I grabbed my camera and headed on a walk around the neighborhood.

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His eye is on the sparrow

     It was cloudy and sprinkling little bits of cold rain on and off. The air and wind kissed my skin and it felt cool and wonderful. As I took in the images around me like the green grass, full trees, and local wildlife I felt a little relief. I felt a little more confident of God’s power and love for me. I thought how blessed I really am. 

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I snapped pictures along the way that could not do justice to the real beauty tucked away at each few blocks. 

    The issues are still there and have to be addressed and dealt with but as I stopped and ran my feet through some lush green grass I prayed to my Lord and I felt a little lighter and connected to Him and I know He will help me through this. 

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On my walk back home I spotted my husband on his daily run. As he met up with me he slowed down to walk with me the rest of the way home and just casually talked to me which warmed my heart and helped me connect with him. 

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     So in conclusion, I still have to work on my issues and manage my stress but, I thank God and my husband for meeting me on my walk and showing me some love. smiles. Thank you both!

 

Categories: Marriage/Relationships, spiritual/self help

A daymare still haunting me

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I had a very bad dream this morning. It has haunted me all day. I am not a person who believes if you dream something it is going to happen but, yet I can not shake this dream today. I have been working very hard not to think about it.

The dream is not even rational because in it I was with a bunch of people and we were eating. The food was kind of weird. My son was walking on the side of the road and we were passing him in a car because where we were going was not that far. We were not going that fast.

I looked back to see if he was eating the food as he walked. I saw his plate fly out of his hands into the street and he ran to get it (loving food and we were so hungry) and a I saw his body go up in the air like a car hit him but, I could not see if that was what exactly happened. I started screaming oh my God over and over. I yelled for them to pull over. I got out and with my cousin I began walking back fast to get to where he was. It seemed to take forever. I saw him and he was crying and face and head and other parts of his body was bloody and swollen. He told me in his little kid voice that “A car hit me”. (in the dream he was very young like kindergarden or 1 or 2nd grade.) I asked where was the car? He told me across the street that the man was washing it off in the car wash. I was angry at what happened and that my family or whoever they were in the cars I was with did not rush with their car to him sooner and that no one had called an ambulance or taken him to the hospital. I felt guilty and sick that I let him walk alone.

This was all the dream was but, it was enough to have hurt me inside deeply for just a dream. I keep seeing my son hurt face and his little boy voice sounding confused that someone would hurt him and saying a car hit me and the sicking feeling that somehow I caused that pain and confusion for him.

I am not trying to be negative and depress people. I think instead I am saying I feel deeply for anyone who has had a child of their hurt or worse. I could not imagine your pain. For those who have not experienced that hug your children today and be grateful for them and be glad they are well. Make peace.

I am hoping by writing it will help take the painful feelings of this dream away and instead it will help someone pull their kids a little tighter and love a little harder and thank God they are alive and well. I pray and send love out to those who can not.

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He surprised me!!!

I have been working hard at starting my books whenever I have time. It was hard for me to do because I would have pain a lot with trying to write on paper because of hands or on desktop because of my back and stomach. It would get to painful and also too distracting being in the path of family traffic.

That is why I am so overly happy about my Christmas gift from my Roman! He bought me a laptop computer so I can easily find ways and time to work on my writing. I am so excited and have already started writing more. I love my little space I made for it is more private and all my own with what I like on my desk. I even have a tv to look at when I get stuck or tired.

I am truely blessed and grateful for my loved ones and for the blessing God has given me and love he and others pour out to me. I do not have any pictures at the moment but, I will in other coming post hopefully. Working on my book. yay.

Categories: Marriage/Relationships

Birthday’s

What is the deal with Roman? He got mad at me last night because he could not have his way with what he wanted. Now today he is in a real funk probably because I can not buy him anything for his special day. He never has money for my day so what is the difference. GRR…. Birthday’s this summer in our family have sucked. My birthday is coming up this month also but, I am not whining about how nothing is going to happen for it and I am older than both my son and husband. Okay sorry for the rant.

Anyway.
I have been enjoying my new job. It cuts into time with art, writing and family but then so does everyone else’s jobs. lol. I like helping people figure out their projects and learning the store.
I have been thinking that I need to spend more time talking with my son on spiritual matters and his goals. I also think I need to spend more time showing my daughter I love her and helping her get some screenings for health issues and how to cope better to get her moving towards some goals. Life and situations move so fast it is sometimes hard to get my breath and concentrate on all the things to be done. IMG_2859

Our 4th of July was a lot of fun. We spent it with new friends that we are still getting to know better. They had the largest hot dogs I have ever seen there. A lot of food, people, and fireworks. It was awesome spending it with people who were so happy to be together and celebrate. Roman tried his first sparkler ever. I got a picture of my son dancing and having fun.

My mom Jessie has a different car today and later she is going to come up so we can all take a spin in it. Fun. I also hope to get some errands done while I have the time.

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Blossoms to snow to summer –now!

Issac (son) had a prom to go to tonight. He played it cool but, I could tell he was really nervous. They looked good in their matching white, blue, and black clothes. They both wore matching blue and white converse. Different but it looked really cute. I know they will have a blast but, I doubt he will want to do family day tomorrow.

The weather has been crazy confusing the bills and my body. We had some days in the high 80’s and then the next days in the 30’s with rain and snow. The grass is green and trees are bloomed but, snow is covering them. Weird. I enjoyed the randomness of it though.

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Besides the cold weather has been good for cuddling with Rome at night. I think it has made him frisky — or maybe it has been my cooking? We had relations three times the other day and it was like wow. It is good when we are both connected to what we like and both feeling the excitement and spontaneous.

Lots of changes coming up in my life but, even though I get nervous about them I also am very excited to see what comes of it.

We went to an event the other night and had dinner. I won the centerpiece which was a little pail of flowers. It is little both I was very happy to win it. I am going to plant it in a bigger container on the porch as soon as it warms up a little –I am very excited to see them grow and mature over the summer. I love summer! The sun on my skin, swimming, running around with less clothes (I hate heavy clothes– not a nudist-lol). I love how cold fruit feels and taste in my mouth, the smells, the busy out and interacting, the happy people planning vacations. I know it will be here soon.

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Blossoms are fading but, still growing

Family day was yesterday again and this time my daughter joined us and did pretty good. It was hot and my skin is a burning red because of it. It was worth it.

This week is full of appointments for me and studying for finals so not much fun but, a lot of things done. I get to see the gallery where my ceramic pieces will be displayed today but, plan to attend a lecture first on organization.

The blooms of the dogwood trees around my home are going away which is good for my allergies but, bad because they are so pretty. I took a photo to keep looking at the pretty blossoms after they leave.

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Roman (hubby) and I are over the honeymoon stage of our marriage now but, I am happy that the court has allowed him to stay another year with us before having to go back to his country and try to come back. It is painful and sometimes confusing to live like this. I am savoring what I have and being grateful though.

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Sunday family day

Issac (son) flew through the air with his long curled locks of hair flying in the wind to hit at the tennis ball yesterday. I caught a young girl looking longingly at him. It made me feel proud and scared at the same time because he is still my baby boy. Roman just laughed off my concern (men- lol). I think we are getting better at playing tennis but, still learning. I loved watching Rome’s muscles flex and the power he slammed the ball with. All that energy drained him quicker than us and we got a chance to gloat for once.

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I was very impressed by Rome having the idea spontaneously for going out as family to play tennis and then out for pizza after. After getting full and feeling close we were ready to go home. I did have an urge to lock him in the restraunt’s bathroom and have my way with him but, I managed to tame that wild beast for the sake of all the kids eating there. ha ha.

Once home I had to decide which few ceramics pieces to choose to put in the University’s gallery show. I think I will show my plate and container set with wild fire bright yellow, orange and red and a more tame bowl with dark blue and shining gorgeous brown tint running through it.

What type of ceramics do my readers like? What kind would you like to buy or what artist?

This was my very FIRST ceramic piece I ever made. A vase.

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I chose the funeral (celebration of life)

Rome (my husband) elected not to go to the funeral with me. I feel I should go because whether the people there are glad I am there or not I once considered them real family to me. I am self conscious about how I look since I am not the curvy cute thing I might have been but, I am sure that is the “last” thing on their mind. I am nervous about seeing people I have not seen in so long but, feel good about my decision to go and show my respects and celebrate the life this wonderful women lived.

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Categories: Marriage/Relationships

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