The Semicolon Project

This is such an important message that it should be told where ever it can be. Love the tatoo meaning.

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FullSizeRender-1FullSizeRender Today I went to a tattoo artist, and for $60 I let a man with a giant Jesus-tattoo on his head ink a semi-colon onto my wrist where it will stay until the day I die. By now, enough people have started asking questions that it made sense for me to start talking, and talking about things that aren’t particularly easy.

We’ll start here: a semi-colon is a place in a sentence where the author has the decision to stop with a period, but chooses not to. A semi-colon is a reminder to pause and then keep going. 

In April I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. By the beginning of May I was popping anti-depressents every morning with a breakfast I could barely stomach. In June, I had to leave a job I’d wanted since I first set foot on this campus as an incoming freshmen because of my mental…

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Categories: Uncategorized

18 plus only !

Stressed ! Do all I can to work on situations swirling in my life to push them into an upswing. It is very hard to do and very few seem to understand my viewlove(photo stock. can’t wait to make love again)

Whether it is the stress, my age, or hormones…..OMG…… I so miss sex. I find myself I find myself pulsing with desire to feel my man’s hardness spreading inside me. Is that TMI? Well, most are lying if they say they have not had the same feelings and desires to confess them to someone.

I try not to think about it but, find my thoughts drifting of how his hands would softly touch all over me as he would marvel at my body and reactions like he had never had the experience before. The way he looked at me, taking in each moment and each move and watch and hearing him respond. Ohhhh to hear him right now being pleased.

ok ok. Don’t want to gross out any readers. lol.

So many boring and hard issues I am working with makes me crave some fun and adventure but the closest I can get to it is to immerse myself into books. So many good ones inspiring me to work on my current book more often.

Readers what is going on in your life. Please do distract me.

Categories: Marriage/Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , ,

To goal or not to goal ??

I have never been one to set goals. Probably because i tend to procrastinate and don’t want to let myself or anyone else down by not achieving the goal.

Anyway, I keep telling myself I am gonna get on all the goals I tried to set to get done while my sweet Rome is in Africa for a year but, it seems he knew me better then I knew myself. He chuckles and says “that is wonderful honey, but if you do decide to work at it then do it for yourself cause i am good with you now.” When he said this i was kind of offended but now when i look back i have to laugh because i may have set my expectations to high and I am glad he was okay that I did not have to do all those high goals. I have not given them up so much as been easier on myself to work towards things I want and more realistic.

Anyway, Rome and I have now been married about 5 and half years and this year he has been gone has been a little bit of a test. I did not know what it would be like to be without him for a year but, I think we are growing as a couple in having to be more creative in communication and knowing each other and trusting each other. I can say it has made our sex life skyrocket (tmi alert) with experimenting in flirting and pleasing each other long distance and opened communication to what we both feel we want and need. I feel good about how we accept each others strengths and weaknesses.

I want to make closer friendship in my life though —I do admit i am not very good socially and fear reaching out or asking for company. However, i am thankful for the online friends i have made most of which are facebook, twitter or friends met on social platform second life.

As time gets closer to my hubby possibly getting to come home I get more excited and have begun to prepare things like learning some cooking and getting some sexy things to wear that he may like. For a shy girl this is a huge step. lol. BTW ladies what is the best way to remove hair from the (you know) area? He would be over the moon excited about that. grins.

Issac (my son) is not at all liking the idea of that reunion saying i will be hanging at friends house for a few days. laughs.

Anyway, just an update.

763

Categories: Marriage/Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The three W’s

My life right now feels disordered. I have went back and forth trying to get a grip on life around me. I feel that because I feel a bit lost that Satan is using that to attack areas I am sensitive too. I have felt even in trying to help others they have lashed out at me. I know Satan is going to try what he can to get to me because he loves to take strong people when they are in weak positions to make them fall or lose hope (faith) but, I also know that God takes people when they are feeling broken and lifts them up. God tends to show up and do huge things when you think that things will not get better. I am holding on and I will lean on my loved Lord.

I do not know what the Lord has in store for me in this lifetime but, I do know what things I can be doing that would please Him and my family. That is what I need to start putting my energy into. I am going to try to put my priorities in order and simplify what I am doing and putting my mind on.  In the month of October and November it is down to business. I am going to concentrate on what I will call “The three W’s”, working, writing, and reading the word.  Working meaning at my job (get real money coming in while my husband is busy) and also working at home around the house (cleaning out) and in my art, writing meaning concentrating my thoughts into words to make sense of what is going on and what God is showing me and using my talents he gave me to get things done. Lastly, reading the word in an orderly pace for me and understanding through Holy Spirit guiding me to understand what the word is saying for my life.

Time has never been a good friend to me. I thank God everyday for getting to live another day on this earth but, it goes extremely fast and it can be hard for me to caught my breathe and keep up. I pray that that taking stock of what is going on right now and organizing what I am focused on will help me manage the sweet time God is giving me on this earth to be the best me for Him, myself and others.

041    Moving upward. copyright@Kim.Shay.2012

Categories: spiritual/self help | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

God met me on my walk

    (All photos copyright@.Kim.Shay.2014 Please do not use without permission.)IMG_3618

 

     It is so easy to accept and agree with something you read, or a message or a teaching when it is not actually happening to you at the present moment (or at least not to a large degree). For the past 2 weeks all the spiritual lessons I have heard seem to center around trusting in the Lord and not stressing out. I very much agree that God makes all things good for those who love Him and that he can do the impossible in people’s lives.

    Although I mentally know and believe this is true, I also feel slammed the last couple of days with financial issues and changes that are causing me anxiety. I find myself struggling to stand in the truths I know to be true without still worrying.

     One down side to having such a goal driven husband is when he asks me about my day with such a straight face I can’t help but feel he is really saying why haven’t you gotten more things done today and I feel stress rise in me. 

     Today when I got that question and look I felt shame rise in me and I needed some air and alone time. I grabbed my camera and headed on a walk around the neighborhood.

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His eye is on the sparrow

     It was cloudy and sprinkling little bits of cold rain on and off. The air and wind kissed my skin and it felt cool and wonderful. As I took in the images around me like the green grass, full trees, and local wildlife I felt a little relief. I felt a little more confident of God’s power and love for me. I thought how blessed I really am. 

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I snapped pictures along the way that could not do justice to the real beauty tucked away at each few blocks. 

    The issues are still there and have to be addressed and dealt with but as I stopped and ran my feet through some lush green grass I prayed to my Lord and I felt a little lighter and connected to Him and I know He will help me through this. 

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On my walk back home I spotted my husband on his daily run. As he met up with me he slowed down to walk with me the rest of the way home and just casually talked to me which warmed my heart and helped me connect with him. 

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     So in conclusion, I still have to work on my issues and manage my stress but, I thank God and my husband for meeting me on my walk and showing me some love. smiles. Thank you both!

 

Categories: Marriage/Relationships, spiritual/self help

Training my brain!

I must be proactive! 

My brain wants me to be depressed and thinking negative thoughts. I am still sick and I have to go back to work on Wens. That little voice tells me that I am going to lose my job. It tells me I am failing and should not be sick. It tells me I get sick to often and am not a good mother and wife. It talks endlessly. To make it worse that negative put downers speaks to me in my own voice. It talks so much that it wears on my emotions and my body. It even effects what I dream about sometimes making me wake and worry. 

Well, I have another voice that speaks to me. When it does it speaks in my voice but, in a commanding voice that is confident. Today I am focusing on listening to that voice. It tells me that this sickness is a virus and although it has made things difficult it will pass away. It tells me I can not control what other people think but, that I will be okay regardless if a job does not understand or someone is not compassionate to my situation. It tells me yes, life is stressful and not everything goes your way , so what stand anyway and know things are meant to be and good is still in my life and to pay attention to that. It says do what you can and when you can not do anything then rest and be patient. 

I like this voice even when it is hard to believe. I am listening to the stronger voice today. I must focus on it. (No I do not have a multiple personality disorder). I am speaking of self talk. For those who believe in a higher power it is also the struggle of good and evil or God and Devil. However you see it–we make choices and see our life in the perspective of whatever thoughts and feelings we let guide us. For me there is a negative hurt little girl feeling (with a negative talk) and a stronger authorative voice (that is more positive and demanding with a more forceful feeling (that is harder for me to listen to). 

Anyway, I am keeping myself busy trying to think positive today and do what is good for myself and my family. I need to keep all other worries from invading my thoughts. 

So….. onward with my chicken soup and water and sprite that my lovely husband (although unwell also) has provided for me while he works today. Clean a little on the kitchen then off to self medicate (naturally) and rest in bed with a good show or sleep whichever comes first. 

I pray any readers a blessed day and good health and if you are in America and observing the holdiay a Happy St. Patricks’s day! Image

Categories: Uncategorized

A daymare still haunting me

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I had a very bad dream this morning. It has haunted me all day. I am not a person who believes if you dream something it is going to happen but, yet I can not shake this dream today. I have been working very hard not to think about it.

The dream is not even rational because in it I was with a bunch of people and we were eating. The food was kind of weird. My son was walking on the side of the road and we were passing him in a car because where we were going was not that far. We were not going that fast.

I looked back to see if he was eating the food as he walked. I saw his plate fly out of his hands into the street and he ran to get it (loving food and we were so hungry) and a I saw his body go up in the air like a car hit him but, I could not see if that was what exactly happened. I started screaming oh my God over and over. I yelled for them to pull over. I got out and with my cousin I began walking back fast to get to where he was. It seemed to take forever. I saw him and he was crying and face and head and other parts of his body was bloody and swollen. He told me in his little kid voice that “A car hit me”. (in the dream he was very young like kindergarden or 1 or 2nd grade.) I asked where was the car? He told me across the street that the man was washing it off in the car wash. I was angry at what happened and that my family or whoever they were in the cars I was with did not rush with their car to him sooner and that no one had called an ambulance or taken him to the hospital. I felt guilty and sick that I let him walk alone.

This was all the dream was but, it was enough to have hurt me inside deeply for just a dream. I keep seeing my son hurt face and his little boy voice sounding confused that someone would hurt him and saying a car hit me and the sicking feeling that somehow I caused that pain and confusion for him.

I am not trying to be negative and depress people. I think instead I am saying I feel deeply for anyone who has had a child of their hurt or worse. I could not imagine your pain. For those who have not experienced that hug your children today and be grateful for them and be glad they are well. Make peace.

I am hoping by writing it will help take the painful feelings of this dream away and instead it will help someone pull their kids a little tighter and love a little harder and thank God they are alive and well. I pray and send love out to those who can not.

Categories: Marriage/Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Faster housekeeping – cleaning

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Okay so I got distracted from my weekly organizing and cleaning study I was doing.

Instead I found a great book that will work for now. It has the simple basics for cleaning and maintaining your home quickly.

You can see my full review here: http://www.rallyreviews.wordpress.com/books/

I am going to use the basics in this book to just get my home in order and then I can go back and organize more later.

Like in everything I do right now it is baby steps. I have so many stressful things going on in the next few months.

My husbands possible deportation. My son is graduating high school and starting college. My daughter is healing from bad injury and entering first real job. My mom dealing with going back to work after break with some new medical and other challenges. I am trying to get healthier.

For updates and progress on these things stay tuned here.

For updates and progress on my getting healthier and losing weight you can follow my blog at:

http://www.slimshay.com

Categories: Organizing | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Organized life January -2

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Exercises:

1. Where does your time go?

Work

Time with family and friends

church

cleaning and cooking

tv

writing and reading

crafts and art

praying

volunteer work

errands

driving

(off and on) resting from not feeling well.

For myself it would free up more time if I get healthier and turn off distractions more often.

    Going on to week two…..creating schedules and routines.

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Tips:

1. Invest in a calendar–whatever kind you like.Keep all events and appointments etc.. on it.Plan your all your time and activities so you can see where the time goes and plan ahead of time.

2. establish and stick to routines and deligate what needs to be done before hand.

3. Get everyone on board with the new organization and routines by example.

Rule:whatever is used must be returned to the place it came from.

                                                 Next blog is week three’s: Kitchen questions……..

Categories: Organizing

One year to an organized life

I found this book in the library today. I skimmed through it. The book looks to have some good tips so I decided I will work through it even if I have to keep checking it out over and over. This will be as close as I get to a New Years resolution since I don’t believe in making promises. Feel free to go on the journey with me as I work through the book and I will offer the awesome tips I learn along the way.

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I like the first 3 tips:

1. Eliminate – get rid of what you don’t use or have more than.

2. Categorize – put them in places that make sense that they would go together and be most useful

3. Organize – after cleaned out and stacked in an order you now find the best way to keep it maintained in order.

I personally need to do this first in each room of the house but, the first months chapter for January is for the kitchen so I will start there.

1. For January they suggest making a dream board of how you invision you want your home to be in pictures from magazines and words and make a dream board with this. I may just do that inside the step to exercise.

2. Work through the exercises in the book in a journal to learn about time management and so on that effects your organizing. I plan on doing this in my blog. Like I said you can follow that journey if you like.

Here we go!

exercise:

1. What was your home of origin like?

My father was not really in my life nor were any of my siblings or step or half siblings. I was raised as an only child by my full time working mother. My mother was very organized and used her time wisely. She is always on time usually a little early. She likes to be prepared for things and plans them out ahead of time. Most everything in our home had a home. When came to chores I did have them but, not very often and she a lot of times would give me the easier chores to get done. My room was my space and she did not make me keep it like the rest of the house but, she would not allow it to get to out of control either. She would sometimes tell me to clean it as one of my chores or sometimes she would go in and clean it (rarely though). I often got grounded for leaving my chores for the last minute or forgetting them when I was told to do them. On Saturdays we often did some chores together and relaxed the following Sunday. My mother when it came to dishes would always rinse them out but then would leave them next to the sink until there was enough to fill a sink full if she was too tired to do them that night or she would give me that chore for the next day. I had to keep things picked up around the house and helped fold laundry at the laundry mat. I guess I would say I was a helper but, not fully responsible on my own to do things consisitly instead viewed it as keeping the home clean as a team. We shared everything pretty much.

2. How did this affect you regarding time?

I think it made me be a little inconsistent with myself and my own kids later but, it also gave me a strong respect for what women do. I felt keeping the house clean and nice was a whole family affair and something that all members should work as team equally to do. I used to watch my grandmother slave away in her home doing everything for my grandfather while he would relax and eat, watch tv, do hobbies, a home business and take naps. He in my eyes was disrespectful to her and took what she did for granted never helping her with anything even though she was babysitting grandchildren after raising seven kids of her own. I thought I never want to live like that. I want to be an independent women with my husband and kids taking on their share and understanding the workload. Sorry to say I am a little bitter that it has not worked out as much like that as I would like.

3 Moving foward are you a person who is always on time or do you get derailed easily?

This a trick question for me because in everything I am always on time or even early like my mom was but, at home I tend to put things off mainly when I am very tired or not feeling well (I am like this more often than not).

4. Does it bother you to be late? why?

Yes it does because I feel I am not being respectful if I am late and I also don’t want to miss something or have to reschedule anything. At home I am a little nicer to myself for doing things late unless I have let it go on to long then I am very hard on myself and my mood drops a lot.

       Exercises for next time:

setting goals and where your time goes…..join me or read along if you like.

Categories: Organizing | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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